Dear Emma,
I have a crush on this guy that my friends introduced me to. The only thing is, he’s super shy and I always feel like I’m making the first move in situations when it’s just us two together. He also just got out of a long term relationship that had a messy end. I’m not sure if it’s because he doesn’t know what else to talk about, but he brings up his ex sometimes, and it gives me the vibe that there might be some unfinished business. I’m afraid of being a rebound for him, but he’s not outgoing enough for me to really know what’s going on in his head. Do I just stay away, or try to keep my feelings in check and proceed with caution?
Not A Rebound
Dear Not A Rebound,
I know you want me to say that you should proceed with caution and keep your feelings in check, but the truth is, there is no way of guaranteeing this. You can continue to pursue him, but be aware that you are risking your feelings. The advice you need to hear is that since there’s ex-girlfriend drama, you need to be cautious. Rationally speaking, you should definitely stay away. He brings her up when he’s with you, which means his mind is on her and not on you. You deserve someone who is fully present when you’re spending time together. Since you do really like him, you should give him time and space to let him recover from his last relationship. When he’s ready, then you should pursue him again.
In addition to this mess, he’s shy. That’s something about him that probably won’t ever change. The closer you get to him, the more comfortable he’ll become, but other than that, you can’t change someone’s personality
The answer to your question is: If you want to get involved and risk getting hurt, then proceed with caution. If you don’t, stay away.
Emma
Dear Emma,
Just recently I had been trying to end things with my boyfriend at the time, but he wasn’t getting the message. He kept trying to “talk about things” and he would buy me presents and try to convince me to stay with him. I was getting agitated so I broke up with him for good with a very long text and he never replied. It’s been almost a week and I haven’t heard from him or seen him on campus. What does that mean?
Deaded
Dear Deaded,
I understand that you were feeling frustrated and felt that a text message was your best option, and it might have been at the time, but I’m not sure he sees if that way. Text message break ups are normally frowned upon, and he might be angry and hurt. He’s either formulating a response or starting to move on. Regardless, you should take his lack of response as a sign of understanding and you should start to move on yourself. You said what you had to say, and now you can move forward.
Emma
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