This one is for my single ladies. Being “not partnered,” if you will, certainly has its perks, but around a time like Valentine’s Day, I know my singledom challenges my confidence.
Confidence is an important factor in any relationship, but it is most important in the relationship with yourself. Confidence is difficult, but that is due to misconceptions of its definition.
People think confidence is when you think that you’re hot and that everyone wants to be you. Instead, this is arrogance, to which no one should aspire. You see, arrogance is when you think that you are better than everyone else; confidence is when you know that you are the best you can be. The key difference is the source of your self-assurance. Arrogance is dependent on a comparison of our self to others. The beauty of confidence is that it comes from within our self.
So how do you plant the seed of courage to love yourself? Let go of the inhibitions and reservations that grow from the insecurity of feeling that you will be judged for your actions. It’s true that people will judge you, but it’s also true that disregarding judgment renders obsolete the possibility of the negative effects of judgment.
If people like you, good for them. If they don’t, they can go to hell. Those are the words I live by.
If you want to be confident, you are allowed to have fears. You cannot be controlled, however, by those fears. I could quote Drake’s “The Motto” right now. But I won’t. I will instead quote Hilary Duff and inquisitively ponder like she does: “Why not take a crazy chance? Why not do a crazy dance? If you lose the moment, you might lose a lot. So why not?”
The truth is that you need to take risks and sometimes act like a fool to learn to be comfortable in your own skin. The friends that stick around after are the one’s worth your while. And do you know who will never leave you? You won’t. It’s physically impossible, but I dare you to try.
Now in relationships specifically us girls love to be told we are beautiful. We love attention and we love being beautiful. I broke up with my boyfriend of two years because he did not show me enough attention. I now know that was very shallow of me, but I wanted to feel good about myself.
If I had self-confidence, I would not have felt that nagging need for him to tell me I was perfect, simply because I would have already known it. But, clearly, I didn’t know how to love, if I couldn’t even love myself.
Regardless, ladies, you do not need a man or anyone else to make you feel special. You have that power all on your own. If you aren’t feeling “loved,” you have to remember there is more to love than just intimate love. There also is a strong bond that you share with your friends and families that you must not forget. At the end of the day when your boy situation just isn’t working, friends and family are the ones who will unconditionally love and support you no matter what.
Honestly, don’t be dependent on the “likes” on your profile picture or on your Instagram photos to feel loved. Don’t feel the need to make people jealous to feel confident either. From experience, that is sure to backfire. If you want to do something, do it for yourself –not for the attention. Attention is merely the superficial reward always coming in second to confidence which takes the gold.
Please know that we all, myself included, can feel less than beautiful and feel anything but wanted. Feelings fade, but the truth remains with or without input from others. You are beautiful.