If you are in one of these relationships, you are fighting for the unattainable. When breaking up is your go-to reaction after a fight, you have to question why. Are you looking for an escape from the relationship, or are you too immature to handle your problems?
Everyone knows that your relationship is only as official as your Facebook status, and when that comes down, it must be over. Deleting that status often feels like the only concrete solution to your problems, and it’s a lot easier than actually resolving things. So when you get back together because you hate sleeping alone only to find you have the same problems, you probably turn to the same ineffective solution.
I was once in one of these strobe light relationships. I told myself I was staying in it because of love, when it was actually because of pride. In this day and age, everyone knows everyone else’s business. Somehow we’ve convinced ourselves it’s embarrassing to publicly end a relationship, so we avoid it at all costs. You break up, and quickly change your mind so that you won’t have to be alone in the public’s eye.
However, the truth is there is nothing shameful in ending a relationship for good. Feeling upset and constantly fighting are not healthy signs of a relationship, but you are not hopeless. Your own happiness is within your power. Break up and stay that way. When it is over for real, it is going to hurt, but not as much as trying to find life in something that is dead.
Every relationship is different, but one thing is always the same: you are supposed to be happy, and happiness comes naturally. You don’t have to be happy all the time, but definitely a large majority of the time. Happiness should be your default emotion. Not frustration. Not anger. Not even neutrality. When you wake up in the morning, when you go to sleep at night, when your thoughts wander in class, you should be happy.
Another key issue with those that struggle to keep a strobe light relationship together is that they often fight for their former selves and the memory of a long gone happiness. Relationships don’t go back in time, only forward. People change, especially in college, and eventually they grow into themselves. Who you were in love with yesterday might not be the person you are fighting with and fighting for today. Don’t stay in a relationship because of the memories. Your relationship was never wasted time. Doing the on-again, off-again thing, however, is wasting your time, because that is not a real relationship.