Pause and think about the absurdity of this statement; now consider how it is possibly the most anxiety-inducing advice one could give. Most preteens suffer from a variety of social difficulties such as self-consciousness and awkwardness along with embarrassing physical changes (as anyone who has walked into the skincare aisle of CVS can attest). The awkward body growth and other unavoidable physical traits that characterize that lovely period of life probably made the idea of “just being myself” even more difficult to stomach.
No. In these circumstances, “being yourself” is absolutely not an option.
I remember coming home one afternoon from the sixth grade in tears. As I recounted the horrifically awkward interaction I had with a cute eighth grade boy on the playground, I looked to my mother for some comfort and a solution. I remember feeling confused and even angered by her all too simple advice to “be myself.” Although my mother’s advice was simply an attempt to bestow confidence on me, it actually created much a lot of stress. The thought of remaining the “self” I was at that point was, frankly, terrifying.
Personally, at that point in my life, I felt uncomfortable with the awkward, pimple-faced pubescent little girl I was. That is not how I wanted to live the rest of my life. I needed more confidence, more eloquence and more Proactiv. I wanted to change myself — and for good reason.
Although the words are supposed to encourage confidence in young people, they often bring stress.
I digress — simply telling a mentally and physically underdeveloped preteen to “be yourself” is similar to urging a person stuck in a burning building to calm down. It just does not make sense. The last thing you want to do is get burned.
But, for some unknown reason, the advice seemed to follow me everywhere. From my first day of middle school, to my first Friday night out and, of course, to my first crush — I think I can say confidently that the advice has never actually helped me.
I can also say with equal confidence that it actually hurt any chance I had to socialize like a normal human. I second guessed everything I said or did. “Did I really just say that because I truly felt that way, or was I just playing to my friends’ expectations?” Being yourself is supposed to be second nature and easy. For me, it was an added source of stress.
If the advice is taken too literally, it has the potential to trap the mind in such hopeless, never-ending cycles of self-doubt.
Even today, “being me” is a struggle. When push comes to shove, I have no idea who I am. But I do know that the person next to me probably feels the same way, whether they know it or not.
So, today I live my life by a new motto. The advice “be yourself” has proven to be confwusing and useless. I think the real advice should be: “first be a more confident self, then be yourself.”
