This weekend marked two distinct losses for America: finding out 21 Savage is actually British and the 2019 Super Bowl being one of the most boring games of all time.

As a New Englander, I sat down to watch the game not questioning which team would prevail but wondering which commercials would elicit the most laughs or political controversy, how Travis Scott and Maroon 5’s music would work together and who in the world Big Boi was. To say the answers to all of these questions were disappointing would be an understatement.

Despite its later failures, Super Bowl LIII began on a positive note, quite literally, with Gladys Knight’s performance of the national anthem. The so-called “Empress of Soul,” clad in a beautiful white dress, delivered a passionate rendition of the anthem. Knight maintained the integral tradition of the ballad, yet added a nice personal flair.

Unfortunately, her eloquent and spirited showing could not compensate for the lifeless commercials that followed. Many of the ads sought to entice the audience with a star-studded cast, yet failed to utilize these artists and musicians to their full comedic potential.

The Stella Artois commercial, for example, starred Sarah Jessica Parker from “Sex and the City” and Jeff Bridges from “The Big Lebowski.”

The two actors, infamous for their characters’ drink choices, decided to mix it up and order a Stella, to the bars’ lively surprise. The commercial, while mildly clever, failed to elicit any major laughs. Similar was Tony Romo’s Sketchers commercial. The only thing worse than the former Cowboys quarterback wearing slip-on sneakers, was his effort to make them look fashionable.

Added to the list of bad commercials was a vaguely uncomfortable Devour “food porn” ad and Amazon’s “Not Everything Makes the Cut,” which portrayed Alexa infiltrating everything from dog collars to tooth brushes. While the failed prototypes were supposed to be funny, they left me paranoid about technology recording my conversations and the future of Amazon’s monopoly.

The Doritos Flamin’ Hot Nachos commercial provided some much needed relief with an original rap from Chance The Rapper and a catchy collaboration with The Backstreet Boys. While I probably won’t buy the chips, “I Want It That Way” is going to be stuck in my head for at least the next week. The best commercial was Pepsi’s, which starred Steve Carrell and Cardi B. Need I say more?

These commercials, while the most creative and entertaining of the bunch, were not successful enough to make up for the array of bad ads and the cringe-fest that was the Super Bowl halftime show. Adam Levine gyrated awkwardly on stage between voice cracks as he donated the majority of his outfit to the audience.

There was some excitement at the prospect of SpongeBob SquarePants’ “Sweet Victory” performance, but this was sadly cut short by Travis Scott’s breathless and un-autotuned rendition of “Sicko Mode.”

Big Boi made a grand entrance to the stage wearing the entire Bronx Zoo as a jacket and side-stepped next to Adam Levine for a couple of minutes. I’m still not really sure who he is.

It’s safe to say New England won the 2019 Super Bowl, and just about everybody else lost.

By Rachel Gow